artishard3's Journal

there is no way shit will ever go the right way.
me and drew keep fighting
we have plane tickets to AZ for a week next month...and i dont want to go anymore. it's just gonna all be the same.
me buying everything and just trying to make drew happy and him being selfish and sitting back taking it all in.
do i want out?
i love him so much tho.
it's almost been a year...a year in a month from today.
i dont want to loose him, but he needs to grow up , hes 22 years old.
ahhhhhhh life is so confusing.

my dad's out to Cali on wed. i'll be holding down the fort for him..eeeek
have a goood weeeeeek

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: watching court tv

LIfe
so much is running though my mind. i feel like i never stop thinking about everything.
me and drew one min i'm happy the next min i'm balling.
i do so much for him and i get nothing in return, i always feel let down.
but then again do i expect too much? i'll never figure that one out.
i wish things would just become amazing.
Two people from my past have confessed there love for me...creeped the hell out of me to be honest.
i'm inlove with drew. or at least i think i am?
grrr. i hate this feeling of not knowing what to do.
everytime i say something to him it just turns into a huge fight because i blow things out of line.
i hate this!!!!!

on the bright side...i'm actually caught up with all my homework...i hope i'm passing now
me and drew have been going out 9 months.
i either feel amazing or i feel like shit...i hope shit gets figured out soon, because i drive myself insane.

until the next time.
be safe.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: People chattin away.

i've been super shakey lately...me and drew havent been going smoothly but now after this last time, i think we are finally gonna keep going in our relationship instead of just going around in circles...and not progressing.

this week has been nothing but going to mcc...i'm getting really sick of that place...but luckly next semester i am just doing two days...monday and wednesdays...and being a nanny for two kids tuesday and thursdays...soooo it wont be so bad.

i have lost so many people and jenna actually called me back when i was hurting so bad. i want to thank her so much, that ment so much to me.

this weekend should be a blast...drew's coming home and we are just going to relax and enjoy eachother while we can...until school actually hits him hard with his internship (sp) that starts next semester...i hope we still get to see eachother as much as we do now!

i miss everyone and i usually dont do anything but go to school...and i'm in the city ALOT, so let me know what everyone is doing the next two weeks, they are gonna be pretty laid back.

Current Mood: sooo happy, never felt so good
Current Music: My mom trying ot sing

?
i'm confused with alot...am i wasting my time in a relationship?
i feel like i'm giving 200% while drew is giving only 95%...i know hes a boy and its different for him, it hurts me though. i can only deal with the pain for sooo long.
it is tearing me up, to the point where i dont even want him to come home this weekend...i'd rather be by myself, EVEN tho i went down last night to see him and had to wake up sooo early to go to school today. i do so much for him, and he wont come home a day earlier because it will be 4 days away from his sampler. big fuckin deal.
i guess the sampler is more important than me...i know what i have to do.

i hope everyone is having a good week.and i'll actually be in CL this weekend...so if u wanna do something let me know

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: Sequence 6-Jaws of life

so much has been going on.
drew's in AZ ... it sucks.
i miss him so much...i get to see him thursday tho!! whoot whoot
tomorrow no school which is always a PLUS
i'm truely happy and inlove and he is prolly the best thing that has happened to me
i've been chill w/ jenna g lately, shes awesome i love her to death
this saturday me and drew are going to beck. it shall be a blast
well i'm gonna go, hope everyone is doing good.

Alot of shit has changed.
i have a job. (fill out papers on wednesday)
drew's off in the city...i miss him and hate how we fight because we're not together.
school started...classes are pretty easy and i like the times i go. (late so i can sleep in)
i miss all my friends...ever since drew and i started going out i've somewhat cut them out..it sucks.
i deleted my myspace today...kinda sad but it's kinda for a band new start on life i think.
i miss everyone whos off at college.
i saw nikki's dorm and its pretty pimp...but her roommate is a total slut bucket. lol
i'm gonna go do some homework and try and talk to drew...
since no more myspace. i'll be using this time way more offen.
-Kacy

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: Sequence 6

HAPPY!!!!
i'm EXTREMELY happy with my life right now.
i have an amazing boy in my life Drew.
i have loving and caring friends...mostly C-funk and J-dubbs.
i'm graduating with central on June 3rd.
Drew L. is moving to chi-town...meaning sleepovers after concerts!
i'm going to Florida in July for 9 days...a vacation is needed.

overall i'm the happiest i've never been in my life...and i LOVE it!

Current Mood: happy

whats been going onnnn
My cat's a boy...hes names Buster...i can't believe we thought it was a girl!

i got a new car..well i can't drive it until FRIDAY which is a bunch of BULLSHIT..but it's cute and sporty.

me and drew L are on good friend terms. i love that kid to death i wish we were just friends from the start!

me and the other drew got into a little 'freak out session' as he says...and now we're all good and happy.

i love carly...i miss that girly...even tho i just got off the phone with her.

4:20 was amazing....and its still celebrating 9 whole days! whoot whoot.

i found out i'm going to FL for 8 whole fuckin days. i'm pumped!!!!

buttttt....i have a cold and it sucks. and now i'm gonna go do some myspacing haha i'm so ghey.

Current Mood: sick
Current Music: DMB-Dreamgirl

4/20
one year ago. was the first day i met sean schnell and tom daly...
i can't believe its been one whole freakin year!

last years 4/20 was pretty insane with miss. carly...this year i wanna make it bettter

so everyone just be safe and have a fucking amazing time.
smoke a bowl. smoke a joint. or how about a blunt?

Current Mood: high
Current Music: SCI-how mountain girls can love

soooo much is going on.
in the hospital last night AGAIN. i fucking hate that place.

drew's in FL w/ the hut, i miss him already!

i found out i'm going to FL w/ my aunt sometime in july, i'm excited. vacations with that family is always a blast.

me and ross didnt go to the shedd today because a/ i was sick yesterday and b/ he forgot he had something due today. :(

i told drew L how i really felt...and now things are a bit weird.

i just wanna graduate and get the fuck out of IL.

art show @ Central High School MAY 10th...6 or 7?
GO GO GO, i wanna see everyone!

Current Mood: happy
Current Music: drew's myspace song

welllllll

me and ross have been chillin lately.

we gotta kitty her name is Gattina...dont ask my dad named her.

me and jenna hung out again...brought back good old memories. god i love that girl!

dont trust anyone with anything....i learned this the hard way.

i miss drew livingston...he will always be in my heart somehow.

i'm gonna go clean and shit. then sleeping at drew's!...this should be exciting we gotta clean his god damn room, its gross!

-peace out

Current Mood: extremely happy
Current Music: dave matthews band

alot has changed since i haven't been going to school.
my sleeping schedule is off BIG TIME.
drew livingston is back in my life...he makes me happy even tho we're just friends.
another drew is in my life, hes a good friend i love that kid to death.
ross is back in the picture ONCE again.

i need to find a job.
i need a new cell phone.
and i'm growing up....maturity is coming...and trust me its a scary thing.

my mom is doing all better.

life is just starting. a new chapter in my life. and hopefully it'll be wonderful.

i'm gonna go do something outside its amazing out today.

i gotttttta go.
peace

Current Mood: happy

well last night was a blast.
hung out with brady and watch a movie.
then met up with garrett and smoked a bowl.

today.......
a bunch of random shit...
lunch w/ tracy, karen, brie, and tess...taylor street rocks!
random shit...
va with stuart and tracy.
met up with garrett.
went to alex's.
then went to some 1.7 million dollar masion...it was kick ass drank some beers and watched gone in 60 seconds in the THEATHER...its drew's dream house i fuckin know!

now i gotta call garrett back i missed THREE of his phone calls.
and then off to bed, doctor's appointment bright and early at 9AM

Current Mood: Buzzed
Current Music: pink floyd-another brick wall

what a fuckin thursday
Soooo i wake up thursday...don't feel like going to school was up all night with some crazy dreams...
go upstairs tell my parents i was up all night...dad went NUTS! freaked out...told me i MUST go to school. so i get pissed and slam the front door, dad says go to ur guidence councler and tell them u working for my shop was all a lie just so u could get out early. so i go to school, go see my GC and sure enough my dad is standing right there. then my dad gets super pissed off, the dean had to come in and make sure he didn't do anything stupid. then my dad made it so i have my 4 normal classes, 1 lunch and 4 silent studyhall with no library or computerlab. which BLOWS. and on top of that, my mom needs some short of major surgry...and my dad is in his own little world that hes the master at and isn't talking to us.

and basically either i'm gonna drop out get my GED, finishing off doing home schooling or transfer to a school out in carol stream to live w/ my aunt.

overall i hope this weekend goes good, or i'm gonna be PISSED!

Current Mood: high

what a weekend.
Friday...didn't really do anything....
babysit for 2.5 hours.
chilled with justin and tracy.
went to jim's.
then passed out around 9ish.
...Saturday....
chilled with justin and tracy
picked up keli p.
stopped by matthew's house.
went and passed out at Tracy's.
...Sunday...
worked on my poetry project.
went to algonquin commons with my mom.
found out about jeff mills and scott sheckel. rest in peace boys. i'll miss you!
drove around with justin and tracy...picked up drew.
now i'm working on more of my huge project, while tracy's sleeping in my bed.
this weekend has pretty much sucked.
i really wish everything will go back into place.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. drew's on my mind, so is brady. ahhhh

Current Mood: weird

well valentine's was a joke. i had a valentine...Brady...but he had to work and we got into a little fight the day before.
so i spent it in my basement watching justin play tony hawk 4, and me and tracy just sleeping. it was actually fun. we also went to the mall.
yesterday, i didn't do much, i was asleep by 7 pm.
today chilled with tracy now i'm waiting to either hang out w/ brady or go do a project at luba's house.
this weekend was SUPPOSE to be KICK ASS. but now tracy's dad isnt going out of town. its fucking lame.
so i'm thinking i might head down to the city...?

Current Mood: weird
Current Music: modest mouse - float on

i've learned so much in this weekend, and i love it and hate it.
my heart is hurting but my being a huge bitch is amazing.
i wish things would just chill out, i didnt even start the drama a boy did. how rude.
i'm tired as hell. gonna finish up some homework and go to sleep, waking up so god damn early this morning didnt do it for me.
i'm outta here
peace

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: SCI-texas

blah
well today started off good.
KFC w/ tracy...picked up justin
hung out with Brady for a little bit.
went to carly's
did stuff around the house.
then it all went down fuckin hill.

i was SUPPOSE to hang out with brady...but once again, hes not picking up his phone.
its only 7:30 and i have NOTHING to do, i wish i liked the OC or something, actually i dont.

god damn, i wish everything would go perfect.

o yeah at 4 in the morning i got a phone call from mr. nate livingston...no clue what that was about, but he fuckin woke me up.
ooo yeah PLUS i had best of the best pictures, but my partner didn't show up, supposely hes in FL, so i got up for NO FUCKING REASON..grrrr.....

let's just hope this weekend is amazing!

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: MIKE JONESSSSSSS

superbowl/carly's birthday
a shit load of fun.
recap....
-jim's saying funny shit thoughtout the night.
-tracy's 5 beer bongs.
-random's showing up.
-cake fight
-GRILLS.
-STEELERS WINNING.
-MY BOWL IS MISSING, IF ANYONE HAS SEEN IT, LET ME KNOW!!!!!!
-Brady talkin shit to Tom...its fightin time.

overall the night was wonderful.
i have a valentine...BRADY.
school was hell today, i just wanted to sleeeeeeeeep.

i just showered,
then i'm gonna call BRADY.
big papa's with carly and TRACY.
who the helllll knows.

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: wonderwall-oasis

friday...chilled with carly and tracy.
jim, tracy, and justin smoke.
me and tracy slept at my house...out by 9:30

saturday...
breakfast.
medieval times w/ carly and her dad.
drive around.
Tracy's, w/ carly, brady, jim, mike, craig, morgan and hannah.
then home and slept.

now i'm going to the mall with my mommy.
baking carly's cake.
superbowl party @ tracy's. its gonna be fun!
call if u wanna come
815-353-0779

Current Mood: happy
Current Music: DMB-Dream Girl

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